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The Bar For non Automotive Related Chat |
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#1 | ||
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livin On The Edge
Posts: 7,354
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Just read this and it's oh so true.
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the *** and shout, 'WHO'S HORNY?!' and she acts like she is asleep every time. |
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#2 | ||
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livin On The Edge
Posts: 7,354
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A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he had seen them. She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts." He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!" |
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#3 | ||
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livin On The Edge
Posts: 7,354
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A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."
The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost." They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in. ³They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied. "No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes - I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself." "OK, great!" the husband said. " I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the world," she said. "Consider it done." the genie replied. "And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said. "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife." The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care." The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, ³How old is your husband, anyway?" "35." she replied. "And he still believes in genies?.... That's amazing." |
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#4 | ||
Looking for clues...
![]() ![]() Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Morayfield
Posts: 23,137
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() LMAOROFLMAO! Yeah, ok, they're ok... can I spread them around??? PLEASE??? |
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#5 | ||
meow
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Where the Pirates are.
Posts: 2,744
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LOL they are both ****ers
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#6 | ||
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livin On The Edge
Posts: 7,354
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No problem's.
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#7 | ||
i like to be stroked
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: between her legs
Posts: 1,926
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add them to my friday funnies thread ,,,
__________________
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying "Damn...that was fun!" |
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#8 | ||
Guest
Posts: n/a
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that last one is awesome! I ****ed myself!
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#9 | ||
LPG > You
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posts: 4,277
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Still believes in genies
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#10 | |||
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Patch
Posts: 1,011
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bwahahahahaha 'WHO'S HORNY?!' hahahahahaa
__________________
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