Funnies :)

bindi · 16-06-2005, 11:20 AM

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't now when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynaecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

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Subject: PAY RISE
I the Penis hereby request a raise in Salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour,

I work at great depths,

I plunge head first into everything I do,

I do not get weekends off or public holidays,

I don't get paid over time,

I work in a dark place that has poor ventilation,

I work in high temperatures,

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight,

You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods,

You do not always follow the orders of management,

You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas where you are neither needed or wanted,

You don't take the initiative,

You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start work,

You leave the work place rather messy at the end of your shift,

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, eg. protective clothing,

You'll retire well before reaching 65,

You are unable to do double shifts,

You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the job!

And, if this was not enough, you have been constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying two suspicious looking bags.

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