Depression, still a huge problem

Filthy GT-P · 22-01-2006, 12:28 AM

I received some rather devastating news on Friday, that not only had a friend died in December, but that he had taken his own life.

I won't go into the whys and hows, but I am very upset at the circumstances left behind.

Two days before it happened he went to the local police station with a will downloaded from the internet. This also produced outcomes that have made a bad situation worse. I am aware that he was probably depressed and therefore not thinking clearly, but you should get professional advice before you produce a will. From my point of view as a Tax Agent a properly drafted will with competent people to administer it on your behalf will protect your beneficiaries as you would have wished if you named them in your will.

The whole thing upsets me terribly. I have so many emotions raging through my mind over the whole thing and it is very confusing. To confuse things even futher I am ecstatic that Useless was able to come through after a severe heart attack and I don't even know him. What and whom we now define as our family and friends change in ways that are hard to comprehend.

Useless you have been given a wounderful opportunity, use it for YOU. Life is a continual learning experience.

The one thing that does give me some strength is a loving family and some very good friends. Amazing thing is that it is now my birthday I want as many more as possible.

Regards

Steven

BA_BOSS · 22-01-2006, 05:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Filthy GT-P

I received some rather devastating news on Friday, that not only had a friend died in December, but that he had taken his own life.

I won't go into the whys and hows, but I am very upset at the circumstances left behind.

Two days before it happened he went to the local police station with a will downloaded from the internet. This also produced outcomes that have made a bad situation worse. I am aware that he was probably depressed and therefore not thinking clearly, but you should get professional advice before you produce a will. From my point of view as a Tax Agent a properly drafted will with competent people to administer it on your behalf will protect your beneficiaries as you would have wished if you named them in your will.

The whole thing upsets me terribly. I have so many emotions raging through my mind over the whole thing and it is very confusing. To confuse things even futher I am ecstatic that Useless was able to come through after a severe heart attack and I don't even know him. What and whom we now define as our family and friends change in ways that are hard to comprehend.

Useless you have been given a wounderful opportunity, use it for YOU. Life is a continual learning experience.

The one thing that does give me some strength is a loving family and some very good friends. Amazing thing is that it is now my birthday I want as many more as possible.

Regards

Steven

Mate it is always sad to lose someone close to you but unless I am missing the point here, your main grief seems to be around the poorly administered will.

I am guessing as details are sparce but it seems as if there are people not going to benefit as you believe they should.

Sorry about the friend "Useless" that you thought you knew but didn't really.

Filthy GT-P · 22-01-2006, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BA_BOSS

Mate it is always sad to lose someone close to you but unless I am missing the point here, your main grief seems to be around the poorly administered will.

I am guessing as details are sparce but it seems as if there are people not going to benefit as you believe they should.

Sorry about the friend "Useless" that you thought you knew but didn't really.

My real ИИИИИ is that he did it. I do also have a problem with his will because it made a bad situation worse.

I have never spoken to or even chatted with Useless (site sponsor Stingray), his real lname is Stav. It was just that his situation is so far different from the one of my friend. I would rather rejoice in a life saved by someone I have not met than have to face the realities of a friend taking their own life.

Steven

max^power · 22-01-2006, 09:39 AM

i do not get why people want to take their own lives when life gets tough. just work through the problem and move on. medical reasons is possibly the only reason.. still not worth it as the medical condition *could* be fixed.

geting a will is a great idea, particularly if you have a few assets. i've been meaning to get one, you just never know when you're times up.

Filthy GT-P · 22-01-2006, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by au^ute

i do not get why people want to take their own lives when life gets tough. just work through the problem and move on. medical reasons is possibly the only reason.. still not worth it as the medical condition *could* be fixed.

geting a will is a great idea, particularly if you have a few assets. i've been meaning to get one, you just never know when you're times up.

The problem I believe is undiagnosed / untreated depression. You cannot force people to seek or have medical treatment. It is a hard one to call are you stessed or are you depressed.

Steven

22-01-2006, 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by au^ute

i do not get why people want to take their own lives when life gets tough. just work through the problem and move on. medical reasons is possibly the only reason.. still not worth it as the medical condition *could* be fixed.

Mate depression is an absolute ИИИИ of a thing and people who get severly depressed see the world is against them and that there is no way out. I am lucky not to have been deeply depressed, but i know what goes through the mind of people who do. My father has been suffering for a few years(lost his job because of it) plus a few others. Its not just an event that has happened that has made you sad, rather a mix of that and chemical change in the brain that stops neurons reaching your brain. This causes you to not think logically and just have a general feeling of emptiness.

The worst thing you can do to someone depressed is tell them off for being in that state. You see it as "Stop being depressed, it ИИИИes me off, get better", they see it as "He's angry at me for being depressed, he doesn't want me on this earth, i agree". If you know someone that is depressed, no matter what they say or act, be supportive, let them know your always there for them if he or she ever wants to talk and make sure you are there for them. An interesting fact for the "hardened" blokes out there, males are 4 times more likely to suicide from depression than female counterparts.

Finally I encourage everyone to spend some time at http://www.beyondblue.org.au/ to help better understand this illness. Knowledge is power.

Steven my condolences to your friend and their family.

max^power · 22-01-2006, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackLS

Steven my condolences to your friend and their family.

Yes, I should have said this in my first post. It would be terrible to have one of my friends do this, and i hope you can help his family come to terms with it.

BlackLS great info, i guess it's hard if it's never been experienced first hand, i understand what you're saying. I get moody sometimes too, but i'd never consider doing that! Sorry if i offended anyone with my temporary small mindedness.

I will check out the site, guess we never know when the info will come in handy.

gtfpv · 22-01-2006, 10:52 AM

if someone gets temporaraly depressed seek medical advice as it isnt always permanent. sometimes just a bad situation . you can take medication to get you through it and then come off it later . only with a doctors help though.

Bearman · 22-01-2006, 11:31 AM

For someone to believe that ending their life is the best option must be in a desperate state of mind.

I had a relative take their own life and I just can't get my head around it especially when he seemed to have so much going for him. The effect on his family was devastating. If only he got help.........

Yummy Mummy · 22-01-2006, 11:40 AM

I agree, depression is an illness that is so often mistreated. My 5 year old son suffered a small amount of depression late last year, however I had it diagnosed as being reactive to a certain situation. He is alot better now, although when situations arise regarding the original cause of it, he regresses quite dramatically, goes very quiet, becomes very lethargic etc.

Depression strikes people of all ages, and without help, it can manifest into a situation beyond control. I used to think that people who said they had depression could just 'snap out of it' if they really wanted to, and that it wasn't a true medical condition, but after witnessing my sons change of behaviours, I have realised it is very real, and very serious.

My condolences.
Chris.

Redrum · 22-01-2006, 11:51 AM

Depression is a huge problem and affects quite a large number of Australians to some degree. It is a killer just like stress. On Wednesday I attended a job where a 29 year old bloke had hung himself, depression seems to be the main factor. This is not the first time I have attended a suicide and nor the first time it appears to be caused by depression and sadly wont be the last. As it is only a few days the image of this bloke hanging still is fresh in my mind and the grief when I had to tell his loved ones hurts even more.

I am happy to see leaders in our community such as Jeff Kennet actively promote awareness for depression. I think the best thing is if you know someone who suffers from it and has made comments of self harm to get them help. They need professional help.

I bleed ford · 22-01-2006, 11:59 AM

i know how much it sucks to see a friend do that to himself....i have personally had to cut down a friend who had hung himself....the killer factor with depression is that you don't always know people have got it till its too late....all you can do for your mates is stand by them and help them when you can...my apologies

falcon91 · 22-01-2006, 12:58 PM

This is a big thing for me, I've suffered from depression for a long time. I finally went to a Doctor about it about ten years ago. I have been on medication ever since, the medication doesn’t make you high or euphoric or anything, it just smooths out the high and low feelings to a more level balance.
Going from sitting in dark wardrobes for days on end crying my eyes out for no apparent reason to feeling quite good days later was stressful. Not only for me but my family as well.
Of course I got the "Just snap out of it you big girl" advice from a few people and if it was that easy I would have. It's a very strange feeling to describe to non sufferers, but as 1 in 4 Australians will suffer this illness at least once in their lives some people will know what I'm on about.
My advice to people out there who think they may be depressed for no apparent reason, SEE A DOCTOR ASAP!

If this helps just one person, It will have been worthwhile to put myself out there!

I bleed ford · 22-01-2006, 01:45 PM

good on you falcon91...i too hope others follow your example

max^power · 22-01-2006, 01:51 PM

I wouldn't handle seeing a body like that, then you have to tell the family!

conordec · 22-01-2006, 05:03 PM

i'm always on about wills to friends and family.
you just never know when your numbers up, and if mine comes early 'touch wood it doesn't' i just want to know that i have done everything right for the ones left behind (mrs and kid).

it's just an extra headache ontop of somebody passing that grieving family members don't need.

MotherNatureVer2 · 22-01-2006, 05:53 PM

Like falcon91 I too suffer from depression. I have been to councillors and felt that wernt able to help me at all. Then I battled it on my own for a long long time until a very, very wise friend of mine finally got me to admit my problem.

I do know the reasons for my depression and now have a hugly supportive partner to help me through the low times. I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones. I have been to hell and back but can now see a light almost at the end of the tunnel so to speak ..... yes falcon91 I can completly understand where you are comming from.

Steven, please be assured our thoughts are with you and your mates family at this time.

Blue Oval Mopar Man · 22-01-2006, 06:11 PM

I am a little confused as to why he would take his will to the police , and why didnt the police see that somethink wasnt right here ?

I know they have a hard job to do but someone bringing their will to a police station would ring some bells in my head !

Most people thinking of suicide are realy just crying out for help! Or even just for someone to see them .Its not just attention seeking, its more that they feel important enough that some one cares enough about them to take the time to help! For some reason, a complete stranger , is usually who they seek attention from , as they already feel unimportant to their friends !

xe351 · 22-01-2006, 10:57 PM

Sadly its a problem thats here to stay. The more people who know about and understand it the better and realise its not just something you can snap out of.

Filthy GT-P · 22-01-2006, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue Oval Mopar Man

I am a little confused as to why he would take his will to the police , and why didnt the police see that somethink wasnt right here ?

I know they have a hard job to do but someone bringing their will to a police station would ring some bells in my head !

Most people thinking of suicide are realy just crying out for help! Or even just for someone to see them .Its not just attention seeking, its more that they feel important enough that some one cares enough about them to take the time to help! For some reason, a complete stranger , is usually who they seek attention from , as they already feel unimportant to their friends !

Police are able to witness many forms of legal documentation. It is reasonably common for people to ask a police officer to witness a document. My understanding is that the witnesses to the signatures on the will must not be a beneficiary or the executor. I think the police have a huge job already without having to question the mental state of any person asking them to witness a document.

In my line of work I am also able to witness certain legal documents incuding wills and certain Statutory Declarations. I have no medical training and I don't know that I would be able to check a person's mental state before I witnessed their signature.

Steven

rodderz · 22-01-2006, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MotherNature

Like falcon91 I too suffer from depression. I have been to councillors and felt that wernt able to help me at all. Then I battled it on my own for a long long time until a very, very wise friend of mine finally got me to admit my problem.

I do know the reasons for my depression and now have a hugly supportive partner to help me through the low times. I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones. I have been to hell and back but can now see a light almost at the end of the tunnel so to speak ..... yes falcon91 I can completly understand where you are comming from.

Steven, please be assured our thoughts are with you and your mates family at this time.

Lisa the amount of crap you've been put through in the last few years would be pretty close to hell as you can get, and it's a credit to you pulling through it and keep on keeping on!

**ebxr8240** · 22-01-2006, 11:45 PM

Good thread! Talking about this I guess is the start of healing...
Blokes don't generally bring this sort of thing up. But they should..
Is the world just getting faster / too fast for us mere humans??

**Captain Stubing** · 23-01-2006, 12:33 AM

Things can seem like a mountain to get over, to someone suffering depression. It might just need a friend, or even a stranger to say the right encouraging words, or point out the light at the end of the tunnel...

Most of the time, the person suffering will pull back from outside help, maybe wanting to "do it themselves", or even 'enjoying' their own misery.

Depression is not an easy condition to understand, or even diagnose.

biomechanic · 23-01-2006, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redrum

Depression is a huge problem and affects quite a large number of Australians to some degree. It is a killer just like stress. On Wednesday I attended a job where a 29 year old bloke had hung himself, depression seems to be the main factor. This is not the first time I have attended a suicide and nor the first time it appears to be caused by depression and sadly wont be the last. As it is only a few days the image of this bloke hanging still is fresh in my mind and the grief when I had to tell his loved ones hurts even more.

I am happy to see leaders in our community such as Jeff Kennet actively promote awareness for depression. I think the best thing is if you know someone who suffers from it and has made comments of self harm to get them help. They need professional help.

Hear hear.

Ambos (I assume you're an ambo) are often overlooked when it comes to suicides (and a lot of other heinous crimes too). A neighbour was an ambo for 15 odd years, really sweet and gentle bloke, always had a smile on his face and enjoyed a laugh - about 10 years ago he attended a suicide of a 14 year old girl who shot herself in the head - since then he hasn't been able to work any kind of job, and is on anti-depressants.

I've suffered from depression since I was 12, and it's something that I'm sure I'll never be 100% free of. Some days are brilliant, others are average, others not so great - but they all have one thing in common. That feeling of dread in the back of your mind that it's going to hit you from out of nowhere, for no reason. It's like walking a tight rope.

I sought help last year (I'm 27), and it was the best thing I've ever done - I've watched too many friends who were on Xanax or other drugs who didn't improve, or even got worse - so I went to a psychologist instead. He was brilliant, very challenging. It's very hard to face up to some things that come up during therapy, but it's the massive psychic kick to the head that I needed. I recommended a friend, who was literally days away from taking her own life, go and see my psychologist - thankfully she's still here, and doing well. I hope she sticks with it.

EA2BA · 23-01-2006, 11:07 AM

Depression is something I think I will never understand.
I always look at a bright side to a situation, in that it could have been worse, i know this is of know help to those you suffer depression, but wanted to add my comments.

23-01-2006, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EA2BA

Depression is something I think I will never understand.
I always look at a bright side to a situation, in that it could have been worse, i know this is of know help to those you suffer depression, but wanted to add my comments.

I'm much the same, but we have to remember its an illness. some people get sick like colds, flus, headaches etc fairly regularly, some people can go years without ever having to visit the quack.

I'd try to learn as much about depression as you can, not only as a safe guard if you fall in, but in the case of a friend or family that may be showing warning signs, you can identify them and respond to it.

Beyond Blue

MotherNatureVer2 · 23-01-2006, 01:10 PM

I would also like to add that just because I have said that councillors didnt work for me doesnt mean that they wont be wonderful for someone else. I know people who have had amazing councillors/ phycologists that have been the exact thing they have needed.

From personal experience I can say that what works for one doesnt always work for others.

If you feel not quiet right or seperated from the world as I often do let someone know. It really doesnt matter who just as long as someone out there knows.

Rod ..... its because of mates like you and the guys and gals in here I have been able to survive so far ........ Three cheers to all my mates on here

**Chris** · 23-01-2006, 02:03 PM

Hey Steve, my sincere condolences mate.......

I lost a great friend of mine before christmas too, he was suffering from an ilness, and we thought he was kicking its ИИИИ, but in the end, the depression took hold, and he just wanted it overwith.

I cannot believe how lucky we all are - Andrew used to help me work on my car, and now my achievements with the car give me a throat-closing feeling as he isn't here to share them with me.

I suppose I have been in a state lately where I look at what happened, and I wonder why it couldn't have been me instead of him. (im 31, andrew was 24)

I look into the eyes of my little neice and nephew, and i always come good. they are my fuel, and always get me back to the straight and narrow.

Good luck mate, im availible for a chat and a beer anytime.

JG3282 · 23-01-2006, 02:28 PM

I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 18. I had been through a big family break up as an infant and its ramifications had been long lasting as well as having to become part of a new family when my Dad re-married a year before my diagnosis. There were other factors that had contributed. From 18-26 I was on medication some of which was good and some bad. When it was bad it was really bad, but I decided to try and get myself through it without medication as it was generally making me worse as all I wanted to do was either sleep whenever I was at home or fall to pieces in a crowd. I guess the determining factor was when I had a serious panic attack at the Adelaide Auto Salon one year, with no-one to help me and 800 km's from home. From then on I have fought it hard and sometimes it beats me for a few days, but since starting my own family I have been able to have a new outlook on life.

**Stav** · 23-01-2006, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris

Hey Steve, my sincere condolences mate.......

I lost a great friend of mine before christmas too, he was suffering from an ilness, and we thought he was kicking its ИИИИ, but in the end, the depression took hold, and he just wanted it overwith.

I cannot believe how lucky we all are - Andrew used to help me work on my car, and now my achievements with the car give me a throat-closing feeling as he isn't here to share them with me.

I suppose I have been in a state lately where I look at what happened, and I wonder why it couldn't have been me instead of him. (im 31, andrew was 24)

I look into the eyes of my little neice and nephew, and i always come good. they are my fuel, and always get me back to the straight and narrow.

Good luck mate, im availible for a chat and a beer anytime.

Chris...one thing I learnt real fast quickly is the amount of people who care about you.Not only you but everybody.It wasnt you dead because its not your time. We are given the time to be the best people we can be .You sound a bit down but trust me people do care. Sitting in hospital 10 days ago a whole world of people came to visit me in my near death experience.I was gobbsmacked!! I met some people in there which restored my faith in humanity much more firmly.
I wish people felt the way way I am feeling in these tough times so that they believe that they are worth something and that humanity still has many good qualities. I know people flirt with death but dying because you dont think you deserve or want to live is a crap way to think.

Live life in every breath...plenty of time for death when our time comes.