The Year's Best [actual] Headlines Of 2004

[LuvinmyEB]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]


Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]


Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]


Panda Mating Fails;Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]



Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]


War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]


Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]



Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]



New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]



Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That what he gets for eating those beans!]


Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken!]



Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
[That was really giving of himself!]



Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]



Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]



And the winner is....



Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[nuff said!]