Ute Owners Syndrome
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Ute Owners Syndrome
Psychological Requirements:
Rural Mentality
Unnatural lust for Livestock
Symptoms:
Delusional Traits -
You believe giant mudflaps are a sign of sophistication.
You believe Suspension ride height should be measured in feet, not millimeters.
You believe that 4 or more UHF Radio's makes you a better communicator, but you still cant talk to a woman on the air in a conversation more in depth then "Can I come around and feel your Boobs?"
You believe Slim Dusty isnt dead, he is living with John Wayne in small cattle ranch outside of Tuscon.
Hallucinations -
When driving in the country you make "BRRRRRRM TOUSH" sounds and pretend you are driving a B Double. Your gearbox is close to death from being double clutched into the same gear 12 times in a row.
Your girlfriend is an invisible sheep called Polly. You cheat on her with other Sheep though. She wont find out.
Physical Traits -
Your 8 Track collection contains both kinds of music. Country and Western.
Ariel Whiplash marks from attempting to wash the car on windy days.
Treatment
For gods sake, find a female. Human this time, and not a family member.
Prognosis
Untreated the ute owner will eventually join the National Party, and become Premier of Queensland.
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